We're Different

Originally posted by me on Facebook:

Kelci and Michelle, Binghamton, NY

Leave it to a daughter of mine to put things in perspective for me. I have great daughters. They have taught me so much. They have always seen beauty where others see none, and their perspective on life, like mine, often seems very different than everyone else’s perspective. Sometimes, I question that. It's normal to question things when you feel like you are the minority.

These last two months I've heard so often that from people that I'm so strong and that they could never have the strength that I have, or that my family has, that I've often wondered if I'm doing something wrong. Honestly, I have no idea where the strength comes from, and I didn't really imagine that this would ever be how I would be if I lost a child. I assumed I'd die right along with them, because I assumed that I would not be able to handle it. When that didn’t happen, I was left wondering exactly what it was I was supposed to do.

I guess instinct kicked in and who I am took over. Instead of finding only negative, I chose to seek the positive, instead of looking for ugly, I found beauty, and instead of sinking into despair, I cling to hope. I could solely focus on all that went wrong with my life, but instead I choose to focus on all that is still right with my life. I count and appreciate my blessings even more. In spite of the most horrific loss imaginable, I still have a whole lot to live for, and I try every day to see that. Is that wrong?
I'll be honest, sometimes it feels wrong. Sometimes when I let what society thinks is right dictate my thoughts, it feels wrong. I am so grateful that I don't let that happen too often. I am even more grateful that I have someone like my daughter, Michelle, in my life to remind me that we are different.

Yes, we are different, but I think different in the best way. We find beauty in ugly, hope in despair, rainbows in storm clouds, and goodness in everything. When I see my daughter find pure joy in watching ducks play in the rain, and I hear her say, "Mom, I don't know how people can't appreciate life," when she has every reason not to, I know that I did something right. I know that I am blessed, and I know that this beauty and love that surrounds me is what will sustain me. It's what will keep me strong, us strong. It is what will comfort me when I’m crying, weak and missing my beautiful, Kelci.

It is what can give anyone strength when they need it if they choose to accept it’s there and call upon it.