Life goes on

Yes, life goes on.  That for me is one of the hardest things to deal with right now.  Life goes on for everyone else, but not Kelci.  Life goes on for us, but in such a profoundly different way. I's not the same life.  Michelle is without her other half, her best friend since birth.  Brian is without his baby sister, and he's so angry about that. Ray, my husband, is without his little girl.  He is lost, and consumed with such saddness, and I can't help him.  My baby girl isn't here with me anymore, all of my hopes, dreams, visions and expectations of what her life might be, are now gone, but around me, life goes on.

I try very hard to stay strong.  I need to be for everyone else around me.  I try not to ask why.  I know it is a question that will remain forever unanswered, and I know that if I dwell there I will likely make myself crazy and sink to the depths of despair.  I instead ask to be shown the way.  What purpose all of this could possibly have is beyond my understanding.  I try to not think about it. It's hard to think that there could be meaning in this, but it's harder to think that there is none.  Sometimes, I think I make no sense at all.  Sometimes I think nothing makes sense at all.

I'm still here, and she is not.  That is a truth that might forever haunt me as life goes on.  I don't think that's what I should let happen though.  I know that it's not what she would want, so everyday I try. Trying, right now, is all I can do.