The dumping ground

Kelci, Route 1, Pacifica, CA. June 2012
"I couldn't give my life for hers,
but I can live the best life I can in her honor."

Very quickly after posting the first thing here, I figured out this will not be linear.  As soon as I tried to write about the accident, I was frozen in my tracks. I can get out that it happened, but going back to the details of those dark moments of finding out and reliving the hell I was trown into after are not easy.

For now, this will be a dumping ground of sorts. Whatever I'm feeling at the moment, whatever I need to talk about right now to get me through, keep me sane, well that's what this will be.  It might not be pretty, but this isn't.  This is raw.  This is painful.  This is the worst possible thing I could ever imagine, and I never thought that it would be something I would be writing about as an expert.  It sucks.  Plain and simple, life without Kelci, trying to find a different way, just sucks.

Many people keep telling me how inspirational I am, how positive I am, how strong I am, but that is not how I feel at all.  I'm trying the best I can using what I've learned in my life.  I am trying to be a good, decent person. I am just being me.  If that comes off as strong, positive and inspiring, so be it. 

I've learned through all this, that Kelci was all those things too.  Well, I knew it before, but it is even more apparent now.  She touched and inspired people in so many places just by being herself. It's been awe-inspiring to witnesss.  She was nice to everyone, always had a smile on her face and always tried to lift others up.  People are trying to be better people now in honor of her.  I will try to be a better person for her.  I owe her that.  I couldn't give my life for hers, but I can live the best life I can in her honor.