Hope becomes so different when you are dealing with permanent loss. The thing you hope for most is impossible to attain, so it's shifts to other things.
I hope Kelci isn't forgotten.
I don't really think this will happen, but the thought is there. Of course, for Ray, Michelle, Brian and I that will never happen, but I wonder if others will remember like I do. People naturally slip back into their lives, I was guilty of this to before this happened to me, and as time goes on, we hear less and less from people, and I think they are forgetting.
I hope my fears of this are unrealistic, and I often remind myself that I'm not in their head, as they are not in mine, and maybe their thoughts of Kelci are stronger than I think.
I hope people continue to contact me to tell me stories about Kelci that I haven't yet heard, or that they send me a picture, or share how Kelci's life and passing have changed or touched them. I hope that 50 years from now I'm still recieving "Kelci is Here" tributes. This gives me comfort.
I hope that I can find a way to continue honoring Kelci in a more permanent or substantial way, like establishing a charity foundation or annual run. This is extremely important to me, and I continue to work on it.
I hope in my lifetime I can at least get a glimpse the meaning of this. It's too much to bear to believe there is no bigger plan.
I hope that good comes from this tragedy. I have witnessed the beautiful imprint and amazing impact she made on this world and I hope it continues to grow and flourish.
I hope Kelci is happy, free, safe, unrestricted and embraced by love wherever she is, and I hope that her adventures are instantaneous and never ending.
I hope that everyone who knew and loved Kelci is forever embraced by peace, love and healing and finds a way to be OK.
I hope that by dealing with this loss the way I am, I can help someone else.
I hope I find more ways to bring Kelci's spirit closer to me, and to always notice the little things that let me know she is still very much still with me.
I hope I remain strong, so I can support my family. On the days I'm not, I hope they are strong for me. I hope as a family we get through this and become stronger and closer.
I hope peace and love fill the hole in my heart and sustain me until I am with her again.
your blog and words are absolutely beautiful. I stumbled upon this by chance but couldnt help scroll thru looking at all the pics of kiki. i gave her kiki as a nickname in caz because she was just such a positive light. (i had a thing about giving people nicknames). no one named kiki could ever be sad or negative. it had an island feel and reminded me of sunshine and palm trees. when i dubbed her kiki, her responce? "i dig it!". and so it stuck. she is truly someone i will never forget. you can be sure that because she touched so many lives, she will never be forgotten. i also wanted to share something with you that touched me deeply. when she told me that she would not be returning to caz, i asked "WHY?!" and was sad because she had become such a good friend. although a year younger, i looked up to her for the way she always viewed life positively. her responce was "i miss my sister too much". i had been having problems getting along with my little sister and when she said that i was truly touched. since that day, ive tried harder to build a relationship with my sister. kiki is an amazing spirit that will live on forever. as long as there is green grass, sunshine, and an ocean, kiki will be here. <3 i miss her and think of her everyday and you can be assured that i am not the only one.
ReplyDeleteI just saw this today and it made me smile so much :). If it's ok with you I'd like to post it to Facebook so more people can see it. I don't promote this blog too much, because I just come here when I need to write things out for me. I so wish we could have spent time together when you were in for Kelci's race. You are such a kind, sweet soul and I know why you and Kelci connected so much. You seem to be a lot like her :). I never knew that you were the one who named her Kiki. I love that and it always makes me smile now when I hear it anywhere. It is actually how I know she is connecting with me in spirit. It's not a name that everyone would know she had, so if I hear it I always take it as a sign from her. I've heard it so much more since her accident. Thank you for this wonderful story and your never ending love for my daughter.
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