Three months. I didn't think I’d be a person who focuses on dates, but it's hard not to when you wake up and know it's the 24th of the month and know exactly what that means. I hope as time goes by it's not so much at the forefront, but I have my doubts.
When I was a kid a teacher told me once that I had the "big puppy dog eyes" that could get me anything I want. Not true, but I have learned that I do express much emotion with my eyes. I don't like to look in the mirror often, because there I'm greeted with the saddest eyes I've ever seen reminding me of how much I've lost.
Instead, I like to look within and find all the happy cherished memories that my life has brought me. They are countless and not going anywhere. They are my happy place. I smile when I’m looking there.
I also like to look around me, outside of me, and focus on all the amazing blessings, especially the human ones, that remain with me. They too are plentiful. They are my comfort zone. I smile and laugh when I’m there. Laughter really does console a hurting heart and soul.
I'll keep my sadness though too, for awhile, forever, who knows, because it is something that's just there. It comes with the territory. You don't love and cherish someone that much and expect no sadness when they are gone. That’s impossible. You just learn to live with it.
This learning to live without Kelci in my life is hard business, harder than anything I have ever known. I really don’t like to look at the sadness, but it can’t be helped. It’s there, in my heart, in my soul, in my eyes. I can tuck it away though with thoughts of happier times, plans for good times, smiles, laughter, hugs, patience and understanding. I am blessed beyond measure with an abundance of that.
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