One year. Some say it gets easier with time. I disagree. It gets different. Nothing about losing Kelci will ever be labeled easy. Some say to me that they don't know how I do it. They say they couldn't. The unimaginable happened to me... last year, something I thought I couldn't survive, but I woke up the next morning and the one after that and was faced with "now what"? My child died and somehow I survived (I truly didn't think that would happen). I didn't want to be strong. I had to be strong. You do not get a choice in some things in life, but you do get a choice in how you face them.
To honor Kelci, my family and I chose to celebrate and concentrate on her life and all the joy that brought us. I will never regret that. There is so much about this situation to be sad about, sadness comes without effort. Fighting to be happy in spite of and choosing to live a good life in Kelci's honor, that's hard work, but an effort so worth it. In a grief therapy group I attend I wrote this to grief: "You came because my daughter had to leave, but she is worth the pain I'm feeling. I would have died for her, so you, you aren't as tough as you think you are. I will cry with you, but I will also laugh with you. You will win sometimes, but I will win most of the time, and in the end you will see who comes out on top. I will find a way to deal with you positively, because despite what you think I have always been stronger than you."
Life is a hard, beautiful, messy, magical, challenging, fun, adventure that we only get to live once. Some of us get shorter rides and make the most of them, others get long ones and take too long to figure out that happiness is the goal. I suggest you hop in the front seat, throw your arms up and make the most of this wild ride you are on. Live fully today, because there is no promise of tomorrow.
To my Kelci: You know I love and miss you today as much as I always have. I will ache for your physical presence until we are together again. I miss your smile, your sweet voice, the little notes you left me, I miss your hugs, your laugh and seeing your beautiful face. I miss walking behind you in public and watching in awe as people just stopped to stare as you walk by and you never even noticing it. I miss your text and your goofiness. I miss fighting with you and laughing with you and crying with you. I miss you asking me to borrow money. I miss everything about you. Thank you though for letting me know that you are still with us. I love the little signs you send. "I love you forever. I like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be". It certainly has been a long, strange trip my love, and I'm sure the one you are now on is magnificent. Much peace and love until I see you again.
To honor Kelci, my family and I chose to celebrate and concentrate on her life and all the joy that brought us. I will never regret that. There is so much about this situation to be sad about, sadness comes without effort. Fighting to be happy in spite of and choosing to live a good life in Kelci's honor, that's hard work, but an effort so worth it. In a grief therapy group I attend I wrote this to grief: "You came because my daughter had to leave, but she is worth the pain I'm feeling. I would have died for her, so you, you aren't as tough as you think you are. I will cry with you, but I will also laugh with you. You will win sometimes, but I will win most of the time, and in the end you will see who comes out on top. I will find a way to deal with you positively, because despite what you think I have always been stronger than you."
Life is a hard, beautiful, messy, magical, challenging, fun, adventure that we only get to live once. Some of us get shorter rides and make the most of them, others get long ones and take too long to figure out that happiness is the goal. I suggest you hop in the front seat, throw your arms up and make the most of this wild ride you are on. Live fully today, because there is no promise of tomorrow.
To my Kelci: You know I love and miss you today as much as I always have. I will ache for your physical presence until we are together again. I miss your smile, your sweet voice, the little notes you left me, I miss your hugs, your laugh and seeing your beautiful face. I miss walking behind you in public and watching in awe as people just stopped to stare as you walk by and you never even noticing it. I miss your text and your goofiness. I miss fighting with you and laughing with you and crying with you. I miss you asking me to borrow money. I miss everything about you. Thank you though for letting me know that you are still with us. I love the little signs you send. "I love you forever. I like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be". It certainly has been a long, strange trip my love, and I'm sure the one you are now on is magnificent. Much peace and love until I see you again.
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