Reality

Me and Kelci Ithaca, NY 2008

This is so hard to explain, but sometimes, out of the blue, the reality of losing Kelci hits me so hard again it stops me in tracks, leaving me breathless and struggling to grasp the truth.  I'm held in a time warp asking question after question. Is she really gone? Can this be possible? Is this really my life now, a life without her? How did I get here?  Have more than two and half years passed by without her here? How can someone who looks so alive in these pictures just be gone? 

Even after all this time, in these moments, I have to remind myself that yes, this is the truth, this is my reality. I am a mom whose child has died.  I will always be a mom who must live without her child.