That is how Christmas is now. I'm not bah-humbug. I try, but it is hard. It's hard to be festive when such a huge reason for our festiveness is now gone. For Kelci we do so much. In her honor, we decorate her tree outside, we put up a tree inside. When it's not up yet, we joke about how mad she'd be if we didn't put it up. Kelci's spirit pushes up to do things she loved to do. She loved the holidays, the decorations, the presents. We all did, but she was always the one who pushed to get things done if we weren't doing them yet. She was the one who would bake the cookies if I was running behind, or run to the store for last minute things. She was the one who kept dad on track with shopping. She was our extra little push. It's hard now without our extra little push.
We all try to step up, but stepping up when you don't really have it in you is hard. So, the tree got up, but it's smaller now, and my son and his girl friend have taken on the tradition of getting it. Presents are bought, but not as many. It was always hard to shop; it's much harder now. The cookies, well some, a few, OK one batch, got baked, but not until 2 days after Christmas, and that's OK. We do what we can do.
Maybe time will change things. Maybe it won't. What I've realized is that no matter what we do, as long as we keep trying to do something, it is enough for us. We laughed. We cried. We were together. We decorated. We celebrated. It's much different now, but for now that is more than enough. We made it through.
